did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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