Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
