my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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