maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize