I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Randomize
