I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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