I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
We need to rekindle our bromance
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
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