He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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