doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
