yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
