If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
