Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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