Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
