Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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