just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize