When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Randomize
