They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
