dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
