Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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