A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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