Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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