There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
