it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Randomize
