Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Randomize
