Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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