He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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