i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
