Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
