About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
We just shotgunned beers for America
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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