just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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