the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
