I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize