wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
NoShamevember. You game?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
