What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
As shirtless as possible
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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