well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
so let's talk penis.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
