Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
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