awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
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