matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
