my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
