Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
