If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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