Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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