and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
