TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
tell me about the eggs
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