Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
