I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
