I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
There's even glitter on my cock...
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