Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
