Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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