Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
We need to get me chipped asap
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
