it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize