He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
