She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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