8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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