You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Randomize
