I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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