They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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