just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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