You really coming over, don't trick.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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