I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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