Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
