how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
