in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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