this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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