This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
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