I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
