I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
