I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
